Do you have date nights with your partner? Read this blog to find out for spicy date night can bring a new lease of freshness into your relationship.
This blog looks at how to spice up date nights. Date nights don’t always have to cost a bomb and involve a Michelin star dinner and bubbles. Sometimes the simplest of dates, when well thought and planned out, can make a dull relationship light up.
Samar had planned the most romantic date night for Amy. They were in Bali for the weekend. Samar took her in a limousine to a restaurant amidst the forest in the middle of nowhere. They had a 7 course candlelight dinner. He knew she was vegetarian and he had a special menu curated just for them, each dish on the menu signifying something important in their relationship. Then suddenly in the middle of dinner, a band appeared and serenaded Amy with her favourite love song. Dom Perignon followed by truffle cheesecake – that’s how’s their dinner ended, amid the stars and moon.
The next night, he organised a picnic right smack in the middle of the beach – he booked out the entire beachfront for them. Amidst the waves, they played strip poker and relived memories of their relationship. He then organised a raft and they went white water rafting, getting all wet and extremely happy and high on adrenaline.
7.1 What is a date night?
A date night is a planned day or evening when a couple commits to spend time together and carves away from other responsibilities. The key idea here is the couple spends quality time together and does something extraordinary with each other. Date nights are supposed to be fun- why else would couples want to go for date nights? Couples in the courtship and honeymoon stage make a big deal about date nights. He will make sure nothing goes wrong ( he wants to impress her) and she will spend all day getting ready, making sure she looks her best. (she wants to impress him too) Date nights are a must in all relationships – regardless of the stage your relationship. You could be married for 20 years and have 4 small children, it doesn’t matter. All couples need to add this “special” event into their calendars. A date night could mean having a romantic candle light dinner together, watching a rom-com at home with some ice cream or going bowling with your partner. Remember it doesn’t have to be an expensive affair where your partner has to spend an arm and a leg to make it special for you. Many couples get stuck trying to make things special, they end up doing nothing at all.
7.2 Benefits of date nights
Date nights keep the romance alive in long term relationships. Dressing up makes us feel better. Imagine doing your hair, putting on some make up on and donning your sexiest stilettos for a night out? It will give you butterflies in your tummy, even if you have been together for a long time. The physiological effects of getting ready for a special night will change your mood and make you feel special. We are all so caught up in our daily lives – with work, the children, pending bill and numerous other stressful things we need to handle on a day to day basis. Setting time exclusively for your partner keeps the fire in the relationship alive, you feel a sense of belonging to each other. Both will feel special and it does build a deeper sense of connection with one another. Just being in the moment and letting go helps release stress too.
7.3 Mistakes we make
Firstly most couples past the honeymoon stage don’t even bother with date nights anymore. They don’t feel a need to impress each other and settle into the pit of daily life. They forget to be there for each other exclusively and let life take over. Even if they do have date nights, most couples keep going to the same restaurants – “ I love the food at Nobu”, that the whole experience doesn’t excite them anymore. The idea of a date night means to do something different. I’m stressing again, it doesn’t have to be outlandish or expensive, it simply has to be memorable, different and special. Also a lot of couples get stuck trying to make dates “outlandish”, they go broke and feel stressed. They still cannot make their partners happy. Another common problem couples have is bringing your external stressors along with them on a date. Many couples to do that. They will physically be with each other but they aren’t really present. Over-expecting from your partner and the night is another bummer. When we over-expect a night to be special and it doesn’t live up to our expectations, we get disappointed and blame our partners for not doing enough.
Aaron and Sherina met at their favourite restaurant once a week at 7 pm. They had been doing this for the past year. Sherina reached the restaurant at 7 pm and Aaron wasn’t there. She called him and his phone wasn’t connecting. She waited till 7.30 pm before he showed up. There wasn’t a signal on his phone and he apologised. They ordered their regular dishes and sat at their regular table. All night Aaron was stuck on his phone – he had an urgent client matter that needed his attention. The already peeved Sherina got even more mad at him. To top it off, the fish she always ordered wasn’t well cooked that night. Halfway through dinner, her resentment with Aaron got worse and she simply stormed off from the restaurant. Obviously they never went back there again.
This is an example of a date night gone wrong. 1) They kept going to the same restaurant and it had become boring. 2) They always ordered the same food, this time the fish happened to be bad and it made their experience bad. 3) This one bad experience marred their previous wonderful experiences 4) Aaron was late and seemed unapologetic, he wasn’t concerned Sherina was waiting as it was a restaurant she was familiar with it, 5) Aaron wasn’t “present” at the dinner 6) Sherina had expectations from him.
7.4 Rules for having the perfect date night
7.4. 1 Choose a new activity as often as possible
Remember dates need to be fun. Try as often as possible to do something different every time you meet. If you both love dining, try different restaurants to explore. If you love hiking, try different exciting tracks and if you both love watching movies try to make the experience fun by trying out different cinemas or movie genres. Adding this newness will keep you both excited and reduce expectations. Sherina had expectations from previous dates at that restaurant and when things went wrong, (the fish was bad) she immediately felt negative. A new place or activity will keep the excitement and fun alive. Refer to chapter 6 to see what fun activities you can do together for your date – make sure you try something new always, that’s the key.
7.4.2 Surprise each other
We all love surprises. To spice up date nights, add an element of surprise into the date. Either of you can decide to take charge for the week and make it a surprise for the other. Surprises add spark to your relationship and show how much you care. By planning a surprise you show your partner the relationship matters to you and it’s worth taking trouble for it. No matter what the surprise is, the “newness” will enliven things between you. Surprises can lead to greater connection and more relationship contentment. They also act as a catalyst for relationship patterns to shift due to the domino effect. The flip side of surprises is that your partner might totally be put off by what you are planning. If your partner needs to make changes or do things differently, they might not be too excited about the surprise. Another thing might be time – your partner might not have the time to “waste” and will feel resentful towards you. Knowing what your partner might or might not like helps make sure the surprise doesn’t backfire.
7.4.3 Dress up dates
I love getting dressed up for date nights. The first rule is to always overdress. You can be a simple and casual girl and he might love your simplicity but at times, just perking up your look will give you more confidence and keep his attention. Taking time to evaluate how you look adds a lot to your overall experience. Make sure you’re ready to impress.
Depending on where you are going, dress to kill. If its a fancy night out, make sure you look your best. The LBD (little black dress) always does the trick with a sexy pair of stilettos. I love to add a dash of a bold colour to my black dress look – maybe an emerald green scarf, royal blue shoes and bag or simply red lips. Red lipstick is always a winner for me if I want to make little effort and still look fabulous. There is something about red lips that men cannot resist. My favourite red lipstick is from Giorgio Armani. Also always remember – skin and hair have to be fabulous. Make sure your nails look clean and manicured. Men love a girl with nice hands, it gets their imagination running wild.
Before a date night, make sure to moisturise your entire body and put on some sexy body cream or spray. ( Chanel No 5 is my personal favourite ). Lingerie – this is something you cannot overlook. You never know how the night ends up so make sure you have your sexiest ones on. I can go on and on about this topic, simply because a girl can never forget how much fun this can add to the look. just one tip is to make sure you are comfortable yet sexy. And if you really feel naughty, go commando and tell him that. Imagine how excited he will be all night long.
I also love getting my hair washed and setting them either in curls for the sexy look or dead straight for the diva look. Make up can be minimal, remember to contour and highlight at the right places. If you are going for the nude look, make sure your eyes are smoky – eyes are the window to the soul. If you are going for darker lips, keep the entire look simple.
When you take time to work on your appearance, you’re proving to yourself and your partner that you care. You don’t have to go overboard with it. The point is to make a conscious decision about what you look like. Show him you care by presenting him with a well dressed you. Last but not least don’t forget your dancing shoes and party attitude. That’s the most important thing.
7.4.4. Casual dates
If your date night is casual, it doesn’t mean you have the license to dress sloppy. Even if you are simply going to the park or a barbecue, make sure to make an effort with your appearance. A well groomed woman is always more desirable and as Coco Chanel said, “Dress shabbily and they remember the dress, dress impeccably and they remember the woman.” I also never forgot this quote an old man once told me, “There is never an ugly woman, simply a lazy one.” Don’t be that lazy woman. Even if it is to the park, put on a bit of sunblock and a lip tint and make sure you smell nice.
A well fitted pain of jeans is a must in your wardrobe for casual dates. You can pair it up with a dressy top, a nice pair or stilettos and bag to up the look or dress is down with a casual tee shirt and sneakers. Sundresses are also fun and easy. Again be comfortable. Don’t change your style to suit him or others. Being yourself is important but make sure there is an element of sexy in the way you dress. It could be a sheer top, it could be a slightly low top, an open back dress or a really tight tee shirt – just up your game by always adding “sexy” to your look. No I don’t mean do it slutty, a little bit here and there – like a peek a boo, will keep his eyes glued on you.
7.4.5. Themed dates
These can be really fun. You could both wearing matching clothes to show you are a couple. This can be as easy as wearing jeans and a white shirt. The goal is to match your partner and be obvious about it. It can be a bit cheesy but adds to the fun of it all. You could also do a costume night. You don’t have to wait for Halloween to throw on your favourite wig or clown costume. One time while picking my husband up from the airport I put on a blond wig and lot of make up. He laughed as he came out of the gate and it got us a lot of attention. Of course he loved my blond look. Dressing up in a costume gives you permission to break free and allows anonymity. How fun can that be?
You could also dress ups in your favourite team jerseys while going for a football match or wear a tee shirt with characters if you are watching a particular movie to add to the fun of the night. Overdressing in a suit and a ballgown takes the date to another level. Usually if you dress formal you are either attending an important function or event. So simply overdressing can sometimes be fun. Bride and groom dress up takes the date dressing to a whole new level. Wear a white dress and a tiara and get him to wear a tux or suit and hit town. See the fun reactions you get. the bottom line is you are having fun.
7.4.6 Mini dates
Mini date nights are a good way to spend time together if you are too busy for a full on date night. A mini date is a small quick simple activity about 20-30 minutes long allowing a couple to pause and spend time together without distraction. It allows a couple to relax, connect and be together. Try eating breakfast together, meeting for a quick lunch, or simply having a quick coffee with each other. Even if it is simply having coffee, it becomes a little special doing it with a loved one. Also a mini date here and there keeps the relationship alive and doesn’t allow long breaks in the relationship.
To make mini dates successful, it is good to have some rules else there might be over expectations. Firstly, agree on your expectations of the mini date. What would you like the experience to be like? How long will the session be? what activities do you have in mind ? Define the options you have? Is the timing suitable for both of you? what happens if either one of you busy or preoccupied?
Jamie and Veronica used to do a quick breakfast every Wednesday as a midweek catch up with each other before work. Sometimes Jamie had early morning meetings or had to prepare for presentations and instead of telling Veronica he needed to reschedule that week, he tried to make it – at the expense of his work. And sometimes even if he was with Veronica his mind was at work. He should have told her he couldn’t make it that week and made alternative plans instead of trying his best to show up. It stressed him out, Veronica wasn’t happy with his absent “presence” and the whole idea of a mini date to catch up was futile.