Oh that taboo topic…SEX. Well there is so much said and unsaid about sex. Read to find out how sexual differences can sometimes cause major harm to a relationship.
Let’s Talk About Sex Baby
Is sexual chemistry important in a romantic relationship? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this.Everyone’s different, and what’s important for some may not be at all important for others.It ultimately depends on your personal beliefs, physical desires, and the nature of your relationship.
Sex isn’t necessary, per se so they say. Many people claim to have happy, fulfilling, healthy romantic relationships without having sex with their partners (or only having sex with their partners once in a while).
In this blog, we will discuss:-
- The reasons people don’t have sex
- Benefits of sex
- Sexual differences in a couple
There are many reasons why people don’t want to, or don’t, have sex. This may include:
-having a low libido (also known as “sex drive”)
-living with an underlying medical condition, such as chronic pain
-wanting to date for a longer period of time before having sex
- being unmarried and wanting to abstain from sex before marriage
- Having sexual differences
However, this doesn’t always mean that the relationship will be unhealthy. And it certainly isn’t a sign that your partner doesn’t love or value you!The bottom line? Sexual activity isn’t necessary for a healthy relationship.
But it can be important for some people. For these people, sex is an important part of romantic relationships. Many people want to have a sexual connection with their romantic partner.Sexuality exists on a spectrum. Asexual people experience little-to-no sexual attraction (and usually don’t have sex, though each person is different), while allosexual people do experience sexual attraction and need a lot of it.
Because there’s such a variety in our feelings about sex and our capacities for sexual attraction, we all have different approaches to sex — but no approach is wrong.
There are many reasons why sex might be an important part of your relationship. For example:
- It could be an opportunity to bond with your partner.
- It could be an opportunity to show your partner love and affection.
- You might feel more secure in your relationship if you’re having sex often.
- It could simply be pleasurable and fun.
- You could be trying to become pregnant
Sex offers a lot of benefits outside of pleasure, and there are many reasons why having sex is good for your brain, body, and relationship.
Many people have emotional motivations for having sex. There are a variety of emotional benefits of sex, including:
- It could improve your self-confidence.
- It could help you connect with your own body in a pleasurable way.
- It could help you bond with your partner, and it could be a way of expressing love and care for them.
- It can relieve stress.
- It could make you feel loved and wanted
Sex can be good for your body and physical health, too. For example, some research suggests that sex can.
- Boost immune function.A study showed that people who had sex more frequently had better immune systems.More sex equals fewer sick days.
- Be a form of light exercise. Sex surprisingly can give you good workout. Having sex increases your heart rate and utilises various muscle groups, burning about 5 calories per minute.
- Improve heart health. Having regular sex may reduce the risk of developing heart disease.
- Boost cognitive function. Sexually active people aged 50 to 90 years old have better memory than those who don’t have regular sex
- Boost your libido. Believe it or not, the best antidote for a waning libido is to have sex! Having sex actually boosts desire.
- Lower your blood pressure.That’s good news for individuals looking for an easy adjunct to lifestyle (diet, exercise, stress reduction) and medication strategies to get blood pressure into a healthy range. Sex sessions cannot replace blood-pressure lowering drugs to control high blood pressure, but they may be a useful addition.
- Better sleep. Sex can help you sleep better. That’s because orgasm simulates the release of a hormone called prolactin, a natural sleep aide. Prolactin promotes feelings of relaxation and sleepiness. This is just one of the reasons you may notice that you have an easier time falling asleep after having sex.
- Relieve stress. Sex is a great stress reliever. That’s because touching, hugging, sexual intimacy, and emotional attachment stimulate the release of “feel good” substances that promote bonding and calmness. Sexual arousal also releases substances that stimulate the reward and pleasure system in the brain.
Hmm, so there are many benefits of of having sex. What happens in relationships where is a sexual malfunction. Sometimes it doesn’t show up early in the relationship but comes up much later. Let’s discuss the times in a relationship when a sexual problem can arise.
This is a major problem because sometimes couples can get so caught up in the whole process of trying to have a child that they lose the physical intimacy. This also causes a lot of financial strain on them and a massive blame game goes on. There can be a lot of tension, resentment, misunderstandings that can crop up and both the partners might have different ways of coping. If communicating isn’t great, the issues will get worse.
These can deeply scar the relationship deeply . The main reason is because we all deal with our grief differently. And that’s why couples just grow apart and start blaming each other and then you start getting upset. They communicate their pain differently, they grieve differently, and they deal with it differently.Misunderstandings crop up and the woman usually feels unsupported. Their sex life will definitely become bad. All that pain might make it hard for them to be intimate again.
This is another big one for many women, a lot of guilt crops up here and then they feel blame too. You feel rejected, you feel guilty, you feel isolated ad you feel you are dealing with this alone. Your sex life also gets affected and you can’t trust your partner anymore. Also a reduced desire for sex on both sides because you’re just afraid of another unwanted pregnancy.
This happens to every woman in her fifties. It affects your sex life and causes intimacy issues besides causing a lot of tension, self esteem issues, resentment, misunderstandings and boredom.
What happens if you have a very young partner. You feel insecure. You don’t understand him, his beliefs and the way he behaves. You both are in different stages of your lives. You might be a grandma or you might be at a point where you’re focusing on your career and he’s just starting out so you can’t really understand where he’s coming from. You might feel you are not good enough and honestly your sexual appetite might not be as high as his. Also you might not be open to some sexual adventures which he might be used to.
What happens if he’s too old? Let’s say you’re in your thirties and he’s in his seventies. Do you feel you have low energy levels and sometimes issues with sex do crop us. He might be more romantic than sexual and might have been there and done that so all this might seem mundane to him.
Most women tend to internalise things — they tend to blame themselves first, thinking it’s because they have done something wrong, or that they are no longer attractive to their partner. In fact, the first thing a woman thinks when a man can’t get an erection is that it’s her fault, and nothing could be further from the truth. Behind a woman’s self-blame, as well as her increasing anxiety and sometimes, even feelings of hurt and anger when the problem occurs. Most women may suspect her partner is having an affair, or that he just doesn’t find her desirable anymore. She thus pulls back and retreats even further. This definitely affects the relationship deeply.
Pain during sex
Feeling pain or discomfort during or after sex is most often a sign that something is wrong and shouldn’t be ignored. This pain may be caused by an infection, illness, physical or psychological problem. For women, changing hormone levels during the menopause can cause new vaginal dryness in a third of women that may lead to pain, as well a uncomfortable hot flushes, trouble sleeping, and other symptoms. For men, pain during sex is less common, but may occur during or after ejaculation.
If your sex life is really not working, then most likely other areas of your relationship are not working too. So if you have sexual differences, what do you do? Sex is a really integral part of all relationships. Who wants sex more frequently? If you’re thinking it’s the man, you’d be right — most of the time: The man has higher libido in two-thirds of cases. When that happens it creates friction, but “everyone knows” that men are horny goats, so people accept this. It’s “culturally normative. But what if the woman wants more sex? That’s culturally unexpected, which can increase stress on the couple and lead to name-calling: – “Nymphomaniac!”
One unfortunate side of such differences in levels of desire is that they tamp down nonsexual affection. Those with greater desire eagerly initiate hugging, cuddling and kissing — in part because it’s emotionally nourishing, but also in hopes of getting lucky. Those with less interest retreat from such intimacies lest they be misinterpreted as a sexual green light.If you love oral sex but your partner refuses to do it, you might feel rejected, then you become angry and disappointed, and you’ll likely lose interest in being sexually intimate.
Today, differences in desire are one of the main reasons couples consult relationship coaches. The one with higher libido feels eviscerated by every cruel “no,” while the one with lower libido feels emotionally battered from constantly fending off advances. These lead to a lot of helplessness, frustration and mistrust, depression or insomnia, feelings of shame and numbness of your emotions.
Sexual problems can destroy a relationship on many levels. Here are some solutions on what you can do if you are having any of these problems.
1.Know the importance of intimacy – Couples need to understand that they won’t always have the sexual drive or desires they had when they were much younger, and it is essential that they notice when intimacy starts to wane within their relationship. Intimacy is a very important element for helping couples bond. We need to experience love and physical contact in order to feel calm and connected. If you feel you and your partner are experiencing intimacy issues know that they are worth addressing. Do not hide them out of shame or embarrassment. Consult a relationship coach.
2. Remember you are not alone – Though it may seem isolating, sexual dysfunction in all its forms is something that plagues countless couples. Every couple’s sex life has its ups and downs. The societal stigma surrounding sexual dysfunction, as well as a lack of communication skills and education, can form the basis for why these issues can be so isolating for a couple.
3.Get educated – It is certainly important for couples to not have unrealistic expectations about sex and realise as they age, their sexual desires, preferences and abilities will begin to change. Reading about sexuality, sexual intercourse and sexual dysfunction is one way to ensure that both you and your partner are aware of the challenges you may be currently facing as well as the challenges that may lie ahead.
4. Don’t play the blame game- I is still important to face the issues as a team and deal with them together. There is nothing worse than isolating the partner who is experiencing the problem. Without support and communication there is little hope for correcting the situation or moving on from it.
5. Communicate with care. Timing is everything when it comes to talking about sexual dysfunction. Don’t attempt to discuss any problems with your partner after a long, stressful day at the office, or while one of you is trying to unwind in front of the television. Before engaging in a discussion, ensure that both of you are calm, well rested and prepared to have a conversation that could get quite emotional.Sexual dysfunction is one of the hardest things to overcome in a relationship and is undoubtedly one of the most difficult issues to communicate about. However, with a little work and help from a relationship coach, there is always hope that you and your partner will come to a solution.
6.Sessions with an intuitive relationship coach- Sometimes sexual problems stem from some past experience or issues one has experienced. This causes these “weird” sexual habits or patterns. These can be tapped into and corrected. As children, we are exposed to many experiences which the subconscious stores. Rape, sexual experiences or simply our knowledge and interactions with adults around us regarding sex an affect our sex lives. Even past sexual encounters with other people might have in some way affected our sexual make up. We carry all this emotional baggage with us and with a simple sexual blocks session, it can be cleared.
Working with a relationship coach can help you to better identify, accept and change behaviours that may be affecting other areas of your life and help you improve physical intimacy with your partner; manage sexual difficulties; identify physical, psychological, emotional, or situational causes of sexual issues.
If you have recognised you have a problem and are seeking to make positive changes, working with a relationship coach can help you change the thought patterns and behaviours that may be causing you problems. Taking into consideration your potential triggers, past experiences and lifestyle, your relationship coach can tailor your sessions to you, helping you break out of the negative cycle you have become caught up in.